Imagine being handed a pamphlet which asserted that rape victims should look to their clothing as an explanation for being raped. Imagine being handed that pamphlet as you pulled up at the drive-thru window of a local fast food place. Well, you don’t need to imagine it, because it’s actually happening.
In parts of Virginia one such pamphlet tells women and girls, “even though nothing is showing, you’re being ungodly”. If that isn’t sufficiently obnoxious, the pamphlet goes on to tell them, “Scripture tells us that when a man looks on a woman to lust for her he has already committed adultery in his heart. If you are dressed in a way that tempts men to do this secret (or not so secret) sin, you are a participant in the sin. By the way, some rape victims would not have been raped if they had dressed properly. So can we really say they were innocent victims?”
With these last words, both those who wrote the pamphlet, and anyone who hands it out, leap right past obnoxious to outright despicable. There simply are no other words to describe people who blame rape on the victims themselves.
This story out of Bristol, Va., horrified me enough to ask, how typical this response really is. And what I found out is that with just a click or two on the Web, one can find tons of people making religious arguments to justify their blaming women for being raped. So whether this pamphlet represents the work of one person or an entire community, the thinking it reflects is real and really ugly.
Of course there is nothing new about attempts to blame the victim for crime, and especially so in the case of rape. As psychologists remind us, it’s a coping mechanism. The logic being that if it is the victims’ fault and we do not behave like they did, then we will be safe. I appreciate the logic which animates that thinking.
Unfortunately, it’s simply false. And on top of that is both hurtful and dangerous.
Blaming the victim is hurtful because it degrades the experience of those who have been victimized e.g. if you had dressed differently, been stronger, behaved in a more circumspect manner, you would not have been victimized for being a woman, a Jew or gay. You see, it doesn’t matter the crime – a rape victim, concentration camp victim, or if your name was Matt Shepard, it’s all the same once we start blaming victims.
It’s also dangerous because blaming victims distracts us from pursuing and punishing the victimizers. So while the psychology offers an explanation. It by no means provides an excuse. And when it’s done in the name of God, such behavior is particularly ugly.
I want to be very clear: I am a father of three daughters who wear skirts to school every day because of the modesty rules observed by the Jewish school which they attend. I am also the husband of a woman who covers her hair in observance of her understanding of the same set of rules in Judaism. Perhaps that adds to why I find these pamphleteers so grotesque.
Choices about modesty are just that, choices made in light of one’s best understanding of how to mirror on the outside the beliefs that animate them from the inside. Skirts and head coverings are not armor against rape; they are expressions of values that animate our lives. Nothing more, and nothing less.
If anyone is “ungodly” it is the people who blame victims of sexual assault. They are animated by fear, heartlessness and downright stupidity which are not part of any God in whom anyone should believe.
Author, radio and TV talk show host, and President of CLAL-The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, Brad Hirschfield is the author of 
posted March 8, 2010 at 2:43 pm
This story reminds me of when Golda Meir was leader of Israel and members of the Knesset (not just someone handing out pamphlets in a parking lot) wanted to place a curfew on women:
“These restrictions on women place the responsibility solely on the potential victim. When Golda Meir was Prime Minister of Israel, she was asked to place a curfew on women to end a series of rapes. However, she refused, saying —“
“But it is the men who are attacking the women. If there is to be a curfew, let the men stay at home.”
Citation:
http://virgil.azwestern.edu/~dag/lol/rapemyths.html
posted March 8, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Ok, I am going to play devil’s advocate here and say, while I agree 100% with you about “conventional” rape and not blaming the victim, I do think that girls should take some responsiblity when it comes to clothing choices and date rape or at the least, unwanted advances and “pressure” sex. Not to mention “statutory” rape.
For example, I routinely see girls of 13 or 14 running around during the summer in short shorts and halter tops wearing barely anything and presenting themselves as sexually as possible. We live in a college town where there are lots of young men aged 18 or 19. If they see a rather developed 13 year old dressed in such a manner and reading Cosmo, what are they to think? Thatshe is of an age to have a sexual relationship. If she does choose to have sex with them, why should the man be punished?
By thew way, remind me never to go to any drive-thru’s in VA.
posted March 8, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Because the 18-19 year old man is a legal adult and responsible for his own actions. The 13 year old is not.
13 year olds are un-developed in all ways. They might have sexual feelings, or dress sexually, but they absolutely do not understand the complexities of any of it. And to suggest that a teenage male is so sexually obsessed as to render him a pederast is, at best, misguided and ignorant.
posted March 9, 2010 at 10:45 pm
A Man who has sex with an underage girl is at fault because she is not mature enough to understand her actions. That is why there are Age of Consent Laws. Now I do believe the young man in such cases of consensual intercourse should be treated less severely than a man who forcibly rapes a woman or who uses subterfuge and cunning to Rape.
posted March 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm
We, United State of America as a country, have left the TORAH and fallen into many types of sin. G-D gives us instructions on how to live, treat our neighbors, children, animals etc. There will be, I believe, a wake-up call. It will be to late for many but not for all. I pray for myself and others that my eyes and ears be open to G-D’s instructions and to hear His voice.
Nora
posted March 10, 2010 at 6:45 pm
Can anyone tell me how an 83 year old grandmother can dress less provocatively, so as to avoid unsolicited ogling and the inducement to commit rape by some unsuspecting male who just happened upon a situation that cried out for his attention?
Rape is not about sex or sexiness or being too alluring. It is about power and pain and subjugation of a weaker person by someone who thinks he/she has the right to do so.
The pamphleteers mentioned in this article should spend some time in a shelter for abused women and children and learn something.
posted March 15, 2010 at 8:51 am
Thank you Brad Hirschfield for your good thoughts
I find it particularly disturbing when I see women blame the female victims of rape. It is usually the women who blame the women rather than men. Even statistics have shown that women are particulary more likely to blame the female rape victims, I wonder why, could their jealousy toward each other reach such an ugly level
It is truly horrifying and prevents rape victims from coming forward when they hear people blame them
posted July 24, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Victims of sexual assault, domestic violence, crimes against humanity, and genocide did not ask to be assaulted, victimized, violated, abused, killed and the list goes on. A women should be able to dress how they want and not live in fear of being raped just because someone feels there skirt is to short or their shirt to tight. No on should be violated because of ones sexual orientation, religious beliefs, or the color of their skin. Murder, extermination, torture, rape, racial, or religious persecution are all crimes against humanity. I cannot believe in this day and age there are pamphlets circulated around claiming a rape could be avoided if one dressed properly. This is just close minded and out dated thinking. Clearly the person who wrote that pamphlet is delusional. That is just convoluted thinking. I am a survivor of domestic violence, I did not ask to be beaten, mentally, physically, sexually assaulted by my ex-husband. No One ask for that…. Thinking such as mentioned in Mr. Hirschfield article gives victimizers even more power and does nothing to help stop the epidemic of domestic violence and sexual abuse that runs ramped through out the world.
Jessica Brant
http://www.FindingOnesWay.com
posted December 11, 2010 at 1:30 am
I don’t know about all that. Granted, it doesn’t make the crime any less despicable, but if a woman is dressing in something that dental floss would be a generous description of, she’s sending off signals that are, if I may, “Asking for it”. I’m sure it’s very damaging to the woman, and I’m sure the man involved is a horrible human being. Yes, modesty is a choice, but it reflects certain things about the woman. Why would you wear a swastika if you are not a nazi? Why would you wear a KKK robe if you’re just fine and dandy with black people? Both send off certain messages. It’s reasonable to assume that one who wears a swastika is indeed a neo-nazi. It’s reasonable to assume that one who wears a KKK robe is a member of the KKK. Thus, it’s reasonable to assume that one who dresses like a slut is, in fact, a slut, and should be treated accordingly.