Your Charmed Life

Do You Use the Guest Towels? 

by Elizabeth A. Grant

One of the greatest obstacles I see with clients is that people have trouble valuing themselves highly. Somewhere along the line, they took on a belief that they aren't worth much.

A friend of mine is an artist, and she's really struggling with this. She feels discomfort charging people for what she loves doing anyway. I told her, "My hairstylist, doctor and realtor love what they do. But I expect to pay them, just like I would expect to pay you for one of the beautiful glass pieces you create." The fact is people feel "icky" getting something for nothing.

I know a man who is a wedding photographer. He decided when he launched his career that he would be "the" photographer for high-end weddings in his area. He averages $80,000 per wedding - more than four times what most people pay for their entire wedding! Now, does he have to deliver, so to speak, to charge that much? Well, yes, he has to be a very good photographer. But is he 20 times better than people charging $4,000? No way. People are willing to pay him $80,000 because he told them he is worth $80,000.

A few years ago, three friends were supposed to come and stay with me for the weekend. In preparing for the visit, I realized I only had one set of guest towels. So I went out and bought two more sets. Something came up at the last minute, and they weren't able to make it. The following Monday, I was telling my friend about it. I said, "I guess I'll just return the towels since I don't need them anymore." She said, "What do you usually dry yourself with?"

I said, "The old towels."

She asked me to describe the towels to her. "Well, they don't match my new bathroom colors, and a lot of them have stains from coloring my hair," I said. "And a few of them have rips and snags from trips through the washing machine gone bad."

She said, "And if you had a new set, what would you be doing with these towels?" I thought about this for a second and said, "Cut them up and use them as rags, I guess."

After a pause she said, "So, basically, what you're saying is you dry yourself with rags." 

In realizing what I'd been doing, we burst into laughter. Oh my goodness, she was right. I valued others' comfort much more than my own. It was such a perfect metaphor for what I thought of myself! That night, I went home and took all the old towels out of my closet and put them where the belonged ... in the rag basket!

A strange thing happens when we value ourselves highly. People first gauge our value by what we tell them it is. Then, we show them who we are. Then, they form a judgment as to whether or not we are worth that amount of money, effort or attention. When we undervalue ourselves, it's not a case of people thinking, "Wow! I really got a bargain!" (I mean that both in terms of money and of emotional effort.) It's human nature to treat things better that have a higher value.

How highly do you value yourself? Do you keep a neat and clean home, or quickly clean before guests come over? In relationships, do you tolerate unloving and substandard behavior from people? Do you value yourself enough to eat healthy foods, and take care of your body? Do you value yourself enough to charge what you're worth?

And of course, I just have to ask: Do you value yourself enough to use the guest towels?

Elizabeth A. Grant is a writer, editor and life coach. She specializes in helping people make their dreams a reality. She can be reached at http://www.thequantumcoach.net

 Photo credit: estgirl99