Your Charmed Life

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Thursday November 5, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

30 days to a charmed life Day 27: organize and simplify

David Reber's Hammer Photography.jpgLife is meant to be rich and full and fabulous, but if it's too full, you lose the fabulous. It's necessary to slow down, pare down, discard, de-clutter, and simplify. A place for everything and everything in its place. Not absurd scrupulosity like arranging your bookcases via the Dewy Decimal System, just enough order that your home, office, car (and wherever else you spend time and have some control over) lead to orderly thinking and a life that works.

I am not orderly by nature, so for me maintaining any sense of environmental calm takes continued effort, some chipping away at the piles of papers (that's where my clutter tends to erupt) every day. It's okay for this process never to be "done," as long as you realize that it will always take a bit of doing.

This helps me:

  • Make the bed. Beds are so big that having one tiny is a bit chunk of "neat" right there.
  • Use a chrono-file. This can be a file folder numbered 1-31 for each day of the month, or a lovely little piece of furniture with 31 slots that sits on your desk. You can put in it a bill that needs to be paid on the 10th, a wedding invitation you want to respond to by the 15th,  some filing you can't tend you right now but that empty slot -- the 23rd -- will be fine.
  • Have people over. We all clean up for company. If you have company once a week, you'll never get too cluttered.
  • Separate de-cluttering from cleaning. Cleaning is about brooms and mops and scouring powder. That's another day, another project. De-cluttering is taking one room, closet, cabinet, or drawer and making it pristine. This may involve sweeping that one room or wiping out the drawer with a damp cloth, but if you get involved in cleaning, you won't de-clutter (and vice versa).
  • Continually give things away. If you aren't using it and someone else can, let it go. If nobody can use it, try to repurpose it (the stained shirt becomes cleaning rags, for instance), recycle all or parts of it (the buttons from the stained shirt become trim for the bag you're making), or just plum get rid of it. Doing this will make it more difficult to mindless acquire things.
  • Devote specified time to this. Maybe it's 20 minutes a day. Maybe it's 3 hours every other Saturday. Whatever you choose, put the time in your calendar as if you had an appointment with somebody who mattered. 
  • Let go of perfectionism. You're never going to live or work in some space that resembles a spread from Architectural Digest. Real life isn't like that. But you can have more order around you than you used to have. I think you'll like it.
If you're in the New York City area, Elizabeth Quincy, a NAPO-certified organizer who's taught me a lot, is offering a holiday special: book 3 hours of organizing and receive the first hour absolutely free. Visit www.MatterofHeartOrganizing.com, or write to elizabeth@matterofheartorganizing.com.

Photo credit: David Reber's Hammer Photography


Thursday October 29, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

30 days to a charmed life day 20: learn to say no


Arual Laura Cammurata.jpg
A few days ago, the suggestion was to say yes to life, to be open and ready to take the opportunities that come up. This is not a contradiction: it is, rather, self-protection. You can't have a charmed life unless you're able to say no. You don't have to give reasons, excuses, or explanations. You can just say no.

There's a message on my cell phone right now that totally floored me when I heard it. It was someone I know slightly asking if she could stay here once in November and again in December. But she just stayed here in October. The answer is: "No."

Before getting some level of comfort with this one-syllable -- but often hard to pronounce -- word, I'd have done one of two things. I might have said yes, resented it, and run roughshod over my dear husband who can handle one, maybe two, guests a month in this two-bedroom apartment, but certainly no more than that. Or, I'd have gotten all huffy and written back something like, "You  must have me confused with somebody named 'Hilton.' I'm sorry: this is not a hotel."

With "no," I don't have to be a either a pushover or a jerk. I can just say no. I don't have to lie --  "We're having a bed bug infestation" ... "We have to join the Witness Protection Program" ... "Darn, Brad and Angelina will be here those nights with all the kids...." -- I can just say, "I'm sorry, but this time I can't help you." Period. End of story.

So: if you need to say no, say no. You don't have to have a "good reason." If you just don't want to do it, that's reason enough. Sure, there are times for sacrifice and stretching yourself and going the extra mile. But not every time. Not when you can feel that you've sacrificed, stretched, and hiked as far as you're humanly able for the time being. You say no. You take care of yourself. You rest. You refresh yourself. Then when the time comes for saying yes, you'll have your wits about you.

Photo credit: Arual (Laura Cammarata)

Do you like this blog? Do you find it helpful? If so, help me get the word out. Please pass it on to friends, post a link on Twitter, Facebook, Digg, etc. It would mean a lot. Thanks. -- VM

Tuesday October 27, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

30 days to a charmed life Day 18: change just one habit

It's unlikely that you can change any ingrained habit in a day. The ever-brilliant "they" (as in "they say...) report different time frames for letting go of one habitual practice and inserting another in its place. I've heard everything from 21 days to a full year - a complete cycling through all four seasons.

The amount of time I tend most to agree with is 16 weeks. I've seen in my own life and with my clients that this 4-month period is about right for making a change that lasts. (This doesn't count for addictions, however: those you have to keep an eye on a day at a time for the rest of your life.)

So, this day 17 suggestion may indeed be for day 17 plus 16 weeks, and that is: "change just one habit." You do yourself a favor if you choose a habit that's already on the list of things you want to work on this month, or is at least related to something there. That way, you're reinforcing an effort already being made. But you're free, of course,  to pick some off-the-wall habit that has nothing to do with the other life changes you're paying attention to right now.

Either way, figure out what the opposite of this habit is and write that down as your personal affirmation. Put it on Post-Its and on your desktop and in your journal. Write it at least ten times a day and read it - aloud - at least thirty. Glue it to your memory. And most importantly, every time you actually do this thing - this opposite action of the habit you want to sever - give yourself a fabulous compliment and, every now and then, an actual gift. This reinforces the positive change.

The habit I want to change is to get past the notion I've had for over a decade that any hours after dinner are for vegging out. Of course I want to veg out some - that's a basic need - but to spend from 7:30 to 10 every night doing nothing more productive except brush/floss/rinse and cleanse/tone/moisturize isn't working for me. I want to get into the habit of getting the dinner dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up before ye olde veg-out time, and I want to get my financial records for the day - income received, deductible expenses recorded - so that neither of those tasks spills over to the next morning.

Let's see, this is October 27. Four months from now is February 27. I'll keep you posted now and then about how I'm doing and I'll give you a full report at the end of February. If you want to do the same, put your commitment and your progress reports in the Comments section - we'll all be cheering you on. 

New Yorkers! - How would you like to live the "Look-Great, Feel-Fabulous, Never-Age Lifestyle"? Learn how this evening, Tuesday, October 27, when Victoria Moran presents this lecture at 36th St. Studio, 260 W. 36th Street, Manhattan. The presentation is geared to actors, but all are welcome. Enroll by emailing rsvp@36streetstudio.com. There is no charge. A selection of Victoria's books will be available for signing after the talk.

Monday October 19, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

30 days to a charmed life Day 10: Go forth and prosper

money.jpgMoney is such a big deal in this material world. And we make an even bigger deal of it than it needs to be. Either it's the be-all/end-all: "Stop this foolishness about being an artist and go out and get a real job!"; or it's some evil, awful thing: "What does she know about the real world? She has money" (as if that's bad); or it's just elusive and unattainable: "I have a degree magna cum laude and still I'm making coffee/making copies/making myself miserable (or add your own phrase here) for a living."

It is with great humility that I write to you on this subject, because it's definitely something that I'm not finished with yet in this life. My first big struggle was compulsive overeating; I feel safely in recovery on that one for many, many years now. Then it was relationships, romance, marriage, being "chosen" and loved and adored and comfortable enough in myself that I could have a good life even if that never happened. (It did, but I needed to get to the "comfortable enough in myself" place before it could happen.) You've got to know that all these big overcomings, at least in my case, took years -- 30 for the food, ten for the relationship stuff. With money, I'm a work in progress. I've been on this consciously for about 14 years. There are strides forward and steps back. My process is a combination of spiritual prosperity principles, keeping the day-to-day stuff clear and simple, and being open to a bigger life. It's working. I wish it were faster. I wish it were easier. But it's slow and it's tough. And that has to be okay.

Here's what I know that's working. Help yourself to what fits. And send me your comments on what's working for you. How is your money? Are you okay? And if you're not, are you free from fear? I hope so, because if you're not afraid, the world opens up to you.

  • Get very clear about your money. Know how much you have, how much you spend, and what it takes to keep you afloat. Once you know this, you'll know what you have to work with.
  • Stop using other people's money. In other words, pay as you go. If you don't have trouble with credit and can use a card and pay it off every month, fine. If you're in over your head and paying off your MasterCard with your Visa, read Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously and do what the author, Jerrold Mundis, tells you.
  • Develop a spending plan and use it. This is not a rigid budget that doesn't allow for life's exigencies, but it is a way to live within your means. If it is not possible to live within your means, you need to make more money. Sad but true.
  • Learn your "enough point" so you know what you're working toward. A classic book that helps with this is Your Money or Your Life, by Vicki Robin and the late Joe Dominguez. Vicki Robin totally practices what she preaches -- i.e., financial independence in your personal life and a more humane world all 'round -- and she's offering a free introductory workshop to help you find your enough point. It's happening October 22. Here's the link.
  • Earn What You Deserve. That's the title of another Jerrold Mundis book that I highly recommend. It's also an admonition: if you're going to work for money, strive to make as much as you want to make. Sometimes, just making any money is good enough, and in these times a lot of people are in a situation of working for less than they recently did and knowing that that's better than not working at all. It is. But as soon as you see a way to grow past this, enlarge your scope, and enrich your life, do it. And be on guard about working for free. People will tell you, "It's exposure," "It's marketing," "It's a step in the right direction." It's also working for nothing. Before you do it, be absolutely certain that the exposure, the marketing, and the step are worth the time and effort you're putting into the task. More often than not, when you work for free you're just helping somebody else make money.
  • Tithe. I've talked about this before and don't mean to belabor the issue, but this one spiritual/practical action has probably done more to prosper my life than any other single effort. It means giving 10% of your income to what you see as God's work in the world. I can only tell you that when I do it, money comes in. When I don't, it dries up. Here's a good book on the subject, Giving Thanks: The Art of Tithing, by Paula Langguth Ryan.
  • Accept life today, be open to a bigger tomorrow. This is trickier than it sounds. You won't have peace today without accepting the circumstances of this day -- your job (or lack of one), your net worth, your prospects -- AND being open to a better job, more money, and more possibilities tomorrow.

 

Thursday October 15, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

30 days to a charmed life -- Day 6: role with the punches

Life is equipped with a substantial left field. That means that something is always coming out of it. Sometimes it's a sweet surprise. I had one of those today. The phone rang and it was a young man who goes to my church but whom I've never met. He told me that he enjoyed my speaking and was getting a lot out of this blog and he wanted to send me his tithe. That was so touching! It's happened a few times before and is always so humbling and such a blessed thing. It's not about money, it's about flow.

And then there are those left field occurrences you'd just as soon do without. I was in a car accident a long time ago and I have two herniated discs in my neck. Most of the time, they're not a big deal. I had a series of decompression treatments in 2006 that helped a lot and I haven't paid much attention to the problem since. But about a month ago things started acting up. Today I went for the second decompression treatment and they overdid it so I had to cancel my evening plans and am pretty much lying on a TempurPedic pillow wishing I didn't hurt and hoping that this is a minor detour.

Maybe you had a day like this today or, if not today, sometime in recent memory. This doesn't mean that you're not on your way to a more charmed life. These are the building-your-character-muscle days. Rolling with the punches means getting more flexible and getting stronger. So if you're challenged today, it's part of the process. And if you're not, good for you -- you never what's gonna come out of left field.

Wednesday October 7, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Tax relief to keep pets at home

A bill before Congress would help people keep their pets in these hard times.

Thursday October 1, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

A life-coaching exercise

Certified life coach Victoria Moran shares a life-coaching exercise to illustrate who's really closest to us and how to best use our relational energies.

Monday September 28, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Overcoming invisibility -- why midlife women need to show up, be seen, and make noise

This excerpt from Younger by the Day, by Victoria Moran, shares techniques for overcoming the invisibility many women feel that they experience when they're no longer young.

Wednesday September 23, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Baby chicks, eggs, & a YouTube sensation for a kinder world

Victoria Moran's guest blogger, Marisa Miller Wolfson of Kind Green Planet, shares a high-rated YouTube video on the perils of modern egg production, a couple of yummy vegan recipes, and the challenge: can you go egg-free for one week?

Thursday September 17, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Mastering the Up-Spin

If the politicians and PR people can spin things to suit them, you can certainly spin things to the upbeat, the positive side. An excerpt from Victoria Moran's book, Younger by the Day.

Wednesday September 16, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Kanye West, Joe Wilson, and my husband's values

Kanye West's Video Music Awards outburst and Rep. Joe Wilson's "You lie!" comment during President Obama's speech inspire life coach Victoria Moran write about her husband's values: discretion, integrity, tolerance, civility, and humility.

Wednesday September 9, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

A money quiz!

Coach Elizabeth Grant and author Cindy Ashton offer a fun, insightful quiz on how you're relating to money. Victoria Moran took the quiz and is a believer.

Monday August 24, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Health care follow-up...

Following up on Friday's controversial post, blogger Victoria Moran poses more questions on the health care reform debate, asking questions about health freedom and alternative health care.

Wednesday August 19, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

The ease of doing things right

Life coach and cat-parent Victoria Moran learns from a capable cat groomer the ease and grace of doing things right.

Tuesday August 18, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

PeTA save the whales

Victoria Moran, a vegan and author of The Love-Powered Diet, has long been a supporter of Peta. Their current campaign that refers to obese persons as "whales" puts Moran, who struggled with weight for years herself, on the other side.

Tuesday July 28, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

The Red-Carpet Technique

standing up for yourself, taking a stand, red-carpet technique, yoga

Friday July 17, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

To all commenters ...

I'm not ignoring you: this browser problem means that not only can I not do links or images, I can't respond to comments either.To Theresa who just asked about organic food: I'm with you -- sometimes buying conventional produce just...

Thursday July 2, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

The Necessity of Time Off

Remember how, when you a kid, it was almost worth being sick so you could stay home from school? I'm having a similar feeling right now: my computer is acting funny. It's running slowly and it gives me the black...

Monday June 29, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

How I Felt Better

Thanks for bearing with me through the loss of my dog. You know what I did Sunday afternoon to feel a little better? I went out. I just walked out into the world where life was going on and felt...

Thursday June 25, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Losing Michael and Farrah and Control...Gaining Acceptance and Faith and Appreciation

Late again. I feel like the Night Blogger of South Harlem. I guess the keynote I'm sensing right now is the fragility of life. We lost Ed McMahon, and Farrah Faucett lost her battle to cancer. Michael Jackson died with no...

Thursday June 18, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Have It Your Way

...And I'm not alluding to the old Burger-King commercial. I'm just seeing that customizing life, when you have the chance, is a very wise thing. This message is coming at me from all directions. I'm taking a 4-week course on organizing from...

Wednesday June 10, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Thoughts on a Simpler Life

I wrote this over a year ago. It feels even more applicable now. Maybe you can relate:          I want a life with less stuff in it - fewer clothes I don't wear, less mail and less paper; fewer...

Monday June 8, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Honesty Exercises (for Addicts and Others)

I'm speaking at the New Age Health Spa (yeah, it's wonderful) and thought I'd share with you this clip from The Love-Powered Diet: Eating for Freedom, Health, and Joy [(c) 2009 Victoria Moran, Lantern Books, NYC]. Honesty is essential in overcoming any...

Thursday June 4, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

On the Road Again...

This is a quick post before I head for John Wayne Airport in Orange County. I've driven valiantly in LA these past five days, but my only freeway experience was Sunday when there was no traffic, so today will be...

Wednesday June 3, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Some Thoughts on Balance

    Someone told me a long time ago that life has four basic parts that we can visualize as an all-arms-equal cross, like the Red Cross symbol. The four arms are: faith and spirituality; health, joy, and personal well-being; family,...

Wednesday May 27, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Bouncing Back

Some people think I have a very exciting life, even borderline glamorous. And sometimes I think so too. But the lessons of life get in there for all of us---karma or whatever it is---and I sometimes feel like one of...

Friday May 22, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Conventional Wisdom: Loosening Up and Learning to Love

I thought you might enjoy this. I wrote it a couple of years ago. Two different magazines bought it and then un-bought it. Maybe that means you're supposed to be reading it now. I find this a joy-filled tribute to...

Thursday May 21, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Quick Clicks to Help Animals

If you're a champion of the non-humans with whom we share this planet, here's a way to help some of them without writing a check. Just click on these sites -- daily if you can -- and your clicks keep...

Wednesday May 20, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Making Peace with Food & Losing Weight for Keeps

The Kirstie Ally interview on Oprah a couple of weeks ago nearly broke my heart. I identified -- and not just because Kirstie and I are about the same age and we're both Midwestern gals with a lot of spunk. Here's...

Friday May 15, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Reinvention, Re-creating, & Starting All Over Again

Sometimes things happen. Everything was great and then: wham! The job goes, the truelove isn't true, the yearly checkup has bad news. What do you do? You marshal your resources, give it all you've got, and RE-create a charmed...

Friday May 8, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Preemptive Happiness

This is my daughter, Adair, and her husband, Nick, at their wedding. (And Aspen, flower dog, whom you already know if you've read this blog for awhile.) They're spending Mother's Day with Nick's parents in Vermont (high time, too --...

Tuesday May 5, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

If I Were My Own Life Coach ...

If I were my own life coach, I would say: "Victoria, the hell with it. Seriously. Take care of yourself, take care of your family, and everything else can take a number." And since I am my own life coach right...

Friday May 1, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

A Dozen Life Charmers to Turn It All Around

You're reading a blog called "Your Charmed Life," and I'd like to give you on this May Day some suggestions that I think lead to living one. These are the 12 I came up with, drawing on my new book...

Friday April 17, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Self-esteem, Self-worth, and Self-love, Part 2

I left you yesterday with a cliffhanger: the three ways I know of to ease the burden of doubt, despair, guilt and shame that can not only build up over a lifetime, but that we take on at birth. (If...

Thursday April 9, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Pay As You Go: The Miracle of a Cash Economy

Good Lord, we're in a lot of debt! We're in debt as individuals and we're in debt as a nation. This is bad metaphysics. You cannot dig yourself out of a hole by digging the hole deeper. But you can...

Wednesday April 8, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

The Law of Compensation

When you read this, I'll be away. I speak five or six times a year at the New Age Health Spa in the Catskill Mountains of upstate New York. These are some of the sweetest times in my whole year.I'd...

Wednesday April 1, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Floral Economy on the Upswing...

I saw daffodils in Central Park today. I was coming crosstown on the bus, looking at the tall buildings to the south and thinking that this isn't such a great spring for many of their inhabitants. Stock portfolios have tanked,...

Monday March 30, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Divine Referral

I was walking south on Broadway at 86th Street and heard my name. A gentleman I know from church was walking uptown with his Fairway Market bags. I told him he looked wonderful (he did) and he gave the credit...

Thursday March 19, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Blast from the Past

My daughter, Adair, was doing some background work earlier this week and sent me this photo entitled, "Me in the 1950s." I was shocked at how much the picture looked like one of my mother when she was young, taken...

Tuesday March 10, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Top 10 Ways to Stop Being Afraid

Fear is running rampant in our country and our world. Every person who refuses to buy into the terror puts out a different energy. We'll never overcome what we're faced with if we can't get the fear out of the...

Wednesday February 18, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Know Thyself (and All Thy Parts)

Whenever I get together with my friend Elizabeth from Kansas City, she reminds me of what she contends is the funniest thing I ever said. "Remember that time we were all out for breakfast," she begins, "and you said, 'The...

Monday February 16, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

The Torpedo Principle

One of the first self-development books I ever read -- years before I even dreamed I'd be writing these kinds of books myself -- was Psycho-Cybernetics. The author was Maxwell Maltz, MD, a plastic surgeon who had noticed that some...

Monday February 2, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Victoria's Victorious Bailout Plan

Everybody else has a bailout plan for the economic woes facing our country and the world, so I figured I could come up with one, too. My plan isn't national and political; it's personal and spiritual. I started formulating these...

Wednesday January 28, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Accepting Limitations

Yesterday was humbling. I spent four hours with a lovely woman named Liani Greaves who is a professional organizer. At the task of finding a place for everything and seeing that everything has its place, she is brilliant. And I'm...

Monday January 26, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Ultimate Success Affirmation

Last weekend I spoke for the Institute of Integrative Nutrition at Lincoln Center in New York City. As I prepared my presentation, I knew I wanted to offer something succinct that would speak to a thousand-plus students on their way...

Wednesday January 21, 2009

Categories: Solving problems

Wise Words of Wednesday

I am so fortunate to know people who tell me what I need to hear. That happened last night in a teleclass I'm teaching called "Come Into Your Own in 2009." We're meeting every Tuesday night in January and once...

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About Your Charmed Life

“Victoria transforms ordinary life into a set of extraordinary experiences.” – Dr. Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Victoria Moran is an inspirational speaker, spiritual-life coach, and author of ten books including the best-selling Creating a Charmed Life and the new (April 2009) Living a Charmed Life: Your Guide to Finding Magic in Every Moment and Meaning in Every Day. She lives a charmed life in New York City.

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