Money problems, mounting bills or job loss can be very stressful on any relationship. When we are stressed, we are not always our best selves and it can be easy for couples to fall into the trap of anger and blame. Which is sort of like throwing gasoline on a fire...it simply causes the problems to get bigger and potentially out of control.
If you're relationship or marriage is being challenged by the recession, here's a few tips that I recommend to help you through this challenging times:
1. Forgive yourself (and your spouse) for your financial circumstances. What's done is done, forgive and release it. You cannot rebuild your lives and the future if you are living in the past.
2. If you're heavily in debt and need help, contact the American Consumer Credit Counseling, a non-profit organization that can help you get back on track.http://www.consumercredit.com/
3. Contact the National Foundation for Credit Counseling and locate a certified credit counselor to in your area to help you. Remember, It's important to work with people who are properly trained and certified.
4. Remember that your core money issues get triggered when you are under stress, but they most likely did not originate in your marriage. They usually represent unhealed wounds from childhood that you each brought into the relationship. Have compassion for yourself and seek help to heal the wounds from the past.
5. It is so easy to focus on what's wrong that we often forget to remember what's good in our relationship. Make a list of what is working in your relationship and what you truly love about your partner. Share this openly with one another. We all greatly need to be acknowledged.
6. Most financial differences are due to a failure to effectively communicate our needs, fears and grievances, which tend to accumulate over time. Learn to talk openly and calmly and without blame. If there is an issue that is irresolvable, seek professional guidance.
Here's a prayer for all those couples in need of help at this time:
Dear God,
Please help me and my beloved to move past
our personal and financial challenges.
Show us the way to forgiveness,
help us to release the past
and awaken to the gift of today which brings
new hope and opportunity to begin again.
Help us to recover from our financial struggles,
to become free from debt and learn
from our past experiences.
Please strengthen our faith in you and our relationship,
heal our wounds and return us to the heart of our love.
We surrender this you and know that it is done.
And so it is.
Amen.
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Husbands and wives have to understand talking about money in marriage is an ongoing conversation. When they have debt, it is important that they develop a plan and work their plan until all debt is gone. Once it is gone, they should have a clear understanding of the financial foundation for their household. If not, then they should discuss what worked while removing debt. Open and honest communication about finances increases the intimacy within their marriage. Start talking today and remove financial stress. It is in their control.
I have prayed, tried, asked for help, tried to talk with my spouse with no avail. My health is deteriating due to the tremendous stress I am placed in. I am responsible for all the bills, spouses children, my own children, homework, discipline, etc. My spouse gets mad with me if I ask for help in the bills, children's needs, or want any family time. My spouse brings home more money than me yet might only pay his truck payment then again not. When I ask why I can't get any help his replies is his money goes here there and yonder. If he does put his full pay in the bank then I am accussed of spending or making him spend every dime he makes. I juggle bills around to pay them by myself.
I am moving out with my two children. It is either stay and have a stroke/heartattack or leave and see my children/grandchildren grow. I choose to live not drown and die.
Theresa,
Sounds like you're in a bad place. Remember, he can only get away with what you let him do. Best of luck to you and remember, you're the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself. Here's wishing you the best of luck, fortitude, and discipline to make the right choice.
The Steel.
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