Deborah Price: May 2009 Archives

Years ago, I had a client who was in her 70's who was widowed and had grown up during the depression. I just loved her...she lived very simply and frugally, yet was one of the happiest, most contented people I had ever met. She never used credit cards, her house was paid off, she had plenty of savings and in her retirement, her one big luxury was to go out to dinner once a week.

She loved good food and so we dined together occasionally. Once during a dinner conversation, I asked her if she would share her secret to being so financially wise and content and this is what she said:
"My husband and I were so happy that we found each other that it didn't matter what we had or did as long as we had each other. We had a little accounting business and our philosophy was simple, but it worked well for us. This is what was: Every check you get you should spend some, save some, and give some away. We lived like that quite happily for over 50 years!"

Quite simply, what she and her husband had mastered is something I see very few people able to do ---- live within their means.

I've been thinking how wonderful it would be if we all could live like this and wondering why it is that most of us cannot. I realize that part of the reason is that our standard of living is higher as is the cost of living. But, I think perhaps there is another reason which is that it seems we've become the ultimate "now" generation. We are driven to have all and do it all "now" as if we don't trust that we'll ever get it later.

I think the price we're all paying for this is something we may have overlooked. So here's something to consider as you go about your weekend. Every time you go to purchase something,stop and check in with your true feelings, and ask yourself these important questions:

Is this something I really need or is this something I just want?
Why do I want it? What need does it fulfill?
Is there something else I can do (without spending money) to take care of that need?
And lastly, will it give me greater peace to spend this money, save this money or give it away?

Here's a blessing for the weekend:

May you be filled with loving kindness.
May you be well.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be happy.

~ Ancient Tibetan Blessing

When we are challenged, personally and financially, it can be difficult to stay centered, calm and positively proactive. Yet, if we can't make these necessary adjustments, our lives can begin to spiral into a downward cycle of negativity and defeat. One of the things I teach my
clients is to actively listen to and guard their thoughts vigilantly. Negative thoughts are like thieves that enter in the night and rob you of your higher good and potential.

Here's an exercise to do that can help you stay focused and positive. This is especially critical when you are trying to recover from a financial setback or need to find a new job, if you're unemployed:

"Mind Watch" Exercise:
Find a quiet place to sit comfortably for a period of 10 minutes a day. Gently inform your mind that you are present and on "watch."
 
As you sit, begin to notice how your mind drifts from one thought to another. Whenever you notice a negative thought, calmly repeat these words:
"Access Denied...Cancel Thought."
There is nothing else for you to do. Do not let these negative thoughts disturb your peace. They do not have any power over you unless you allow them access to your mind.

This process is a gentle form of training your mind. It can help you learn to control your thoughts, rather than being controlled by them. If you commit to doing this process consistently, you will begin to notice your thoughts all the time and automatically  "deny access and cancel" any negative or counter-productive thoughts as they arise.

To give your mind something else to do that is positive, use affirmations daily.
Watch this great video on Beliefnet by Charlene Powers on the Power of Affirmations.

Here's a wonderful affirmation to work with today:

The enlivening Spirit of God is
freely expressive in and through me.
It illumines my mind,
regenerates my body,
inspires me with creative ideas,
empowers my constructive actions,
and easily and harmoniously arranges
all of my circumstances.
Every aspect of my life is now in divine order.

~ Roy Eugene Davis

Prayer for the Chalice

Beloved, to Thee I raise my whole being,
a vessel emptied of self. Accept, O Lord,
this my emptiness, and so fill me with
Thy Self --- Thy Light, Thy Love, Thy
Life --- that these Thy precious Gifts
may radiate through me and over-
flow the chalice of my heart into
the hearts of all with whom I
come in contact this day,
revealing unto them
the beauty of
Thy joy
and
Wholeness
and
the
serenity
of Thy Peace
which nothing can destroy.

~Francis Nuttall

Wow...the news just came in that President Barack Obama has nominated Judge Sonia Sotomayor for appointment to the Supreme Court. Perhaps the tides are beginning to turn again and there is hope once more for greater equality and justice in our country.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Sonia Sotomayor, she's a Puerto Rican kid from the
Bronx who grew up in the projects. She lost her father early in life and was raised by a single mother who was a nurse. She knows what it is to be poor and what it takes to overcome the odds.

In spite of her background, Sonia Sotomayor has managed to achieve much in her 54 years.
A graduate from both Princeton University and Yale Law School, she left school to become
an attorney who fought hard to protect innocent victims and prosecute criminals. She was nominated o the U.S. Court of Appeals in 1997 by President Clinton to the seat she still holds today.

Sonia Sotomayor is a great feminine warrior, and a staunch defender of the people and our Constitution. Upon her nomination, she was quoted as saying "I hope to be seen as an ordinary person who has been blessed with extraordinary opportunities." Amen sister.

Let us pray that she is awarded this great seat of honor.

Peace & Blessings

This week I am responding to our reader Chris Leiss, who is asking for support around his marriage which has been greatly impacted by financial stress.

This is his request:
"I have been married for 24 years and am still madly in love. But circumstances have put tremendous stress on our relationship. I have been in and out of work and the financial stress has escalated in to others areas beyond my belief. Please pray for my marriage to stay intact, to grow and to get stronger quickly. I need help, divine help may be all that can save this situation". ~ Chris in Texas

Dear Chris,
First of all, thank you for reaching out for help and support. It's definitely a sign of strength and commitment. Relative to your marriage, in most cases I have found that money issues in relationships are often a symptom of another problem that is not being managed or perhaps, even fully recognized.

For example, if your wife has been feeling scared and worn down by life and financial circumstances and doesn't feel you are doing enough or the right actions to get a job, then the real issue to contend with may be disappointment and/or trust. By no means, am I saying this is the issue with you, but this is a common dynamic that I see in relationships.

So while your financial stress and job issues are part of the problem, I would advise you to dig a little deeper and find out what else your wife may be feeling and begin to address those issues quickly. Also, while you are looking for a job, is it possible that you could also find some part-time work doing something else that you are good at? What other skills and abilities do you have that might be an overlooked self-employment opportunity?

Make a list of everything you know how to do and see if you can offer some of these skills for pay. In fact, one of my clients who recently had difficulty finding a job, discovered he really enjoyed working in his garden and was quite good at landscaping. He started his own gardening and landscape maintenance business just by putting up flyers and an ad on Craigslist. He's still looking for a job in his field, but for now, he's making some money doing something he enjoys. I call this "in the meantime work" and people often overlook this as an option. Sometimes it even turns into a new career path!

I also recommend that you find a way to get some couples counseling or money coaching. Many therapists and coaches will work on a sliding scale and they could help you to navigate this crisis more easily. Your marriage needs help...do whatever it takes to get it.

You might also read my blog on "Tips for Couples in Financial Crisis" and see if it offers any additional ideas to support you during this time.
 
Join the Prayer Circle that is supporting Chris and pray for Chris and his wife to recover from this difficult time.

Here's a prayer for Chris and his wife.

Dear God,
Please help me and my beloved to move past
our personal and financial challenges.
Show us the way to forgiveness,
help us to release the past
and awaken to the gift of today which brings
new hope and opportunity to begin again.
Help us to recover from our financial struggles,
to become free from debt and learn
from our past experiences.
Please strengthen our faith in you and our relationship,
heal our wounds and return us to the heart of our love.
We surrender this you and know that it is done.
And so it is.
Amen.

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