A few years back the father of a woman I know shot himself because he couldn’t take his chronic pain anymore. This guy was a highly educated man--a doctor, actually—but, despite all his knowledge and connections, could not find anything to relieve him besides smoking a little grass occasionally. Like I did in my suicidal moments, he added up the amount of probable years until his natural death, and when he arrived at a fat number like 30 or 40 (he was in his 50s), he simply felt he had no other alternative than to end his life.
I often think about him when I run across some readers on Beyond Blue that suffer from the brutal combination of chronic pain and depression. The fact that they don’t point a gun to their heads, like my friend’s father did, puts them into a category called “heroes,” in my humble opinion.
Because depression is cruel enough. But then to have constant physical pain besides? I truly can’t imagine, as a slight head ache or a runny nose is cause for incessant whining in this body.
I’m humbled by the struggles of people like Beyond Blue reader Elissa, who wrote this as a response to my post, “Complaint Free? Not!”:
I've always tended to be a "complainer", about myself and others. It’s always the same complaint and whining: I've been an insomniac my entire life since I was a child. I’m not talking about a few nights, weeks or months of this debilitating malady. But every night, every year, for nearly 50 years.I defy anybody who has had chronic insomnia to not complain. I have family and friends who are so irritable, grouchy and uncommunicative if they've just missed one miserable night of sleep!
It's absolutely necessary to bare our souls, to tell the truth and not lie about our conditions, it's called humility.
Without spirituality and prayers, few of us could ever get through this vale of tears. It's one thing for people to say they're optimists, but I believe that God loves and endears us complicated souls who, through suffering, become so much closer to him than the cockeyed optimists!
And Beyond Blue reader Nancy, who wrote the following as a comment to Elissa’s words:
These days my clinical depression is coupled with the illness of FM/CFS/ME [Fibromyaglia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis]. It affects the entire central and autonomic nervous system. So another "cross" to pick up and drag along with me each day. That's if it allows me to get out of the bed.Some things are just downright brutal, and yes, Elissa, I dare anyone to walk in your shoes and not complain.
If I didn't talk about it and oh, how I know about putting on a happy face, (probably most of us do here), I'd be self-destructing. Prayer is vital for me, as well.
There are those days where I hope for the relief and reprieve of the "suffering" and have Isaiah 40:31 on my bulletin board above my desk. In the meantime. I am grateful that God brought me to this Beyond Blue blog one messy day. It's a gift along with journey.Thank you to all each day for your input and honesty. We're all coming together from different places and experiences, while helping and holding each other up and along. The encouragement I see here is so helpful. Being mostly housebound these days, it's a vital part of my connection to an arena of sharing that has been otherwise greatly diminished in my life.
"It's absolutely necessary to bare our souls, to tell the truth and not lie about our conditions, it's called humility." - Elissa, this may be my favorite line of all in your writing. It is essential.
Elissa and Nancy make me think that the key to living with chronic pain is the same as the requisite to coping with depression: support, support, support, and, of course, lots of prayer.
Because there are a percentage of us with chronic pain and/or mood disorders that will never find the right medication. Many unlucky souls will never be relieved, completely, of their pain. For those persons, our illness will forever remain our thorn in the side.
But that doesn’t have to be the end of hope. Because we still have each other, and we have God. On the good days, that’s enough. On the bad days … there’s … um … well, prayer beads and Dove's dark chocolate squares???
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my husband sleeps all the time, that is when he's not at work. i think he's depressed. he says, "depression- get over it" when he hears of other people suffering from it. he won't go to a doctor. he does drink whiskey almost every night and some times advil or aleve with it. i worry that in the night he will die or have a major heart attack or stroke. his job is tough and he'll be turning 50 this year. help! any advice? prayers are appreciated please. his name is john.
Hi,
I have a quick story about my father. He underwent gastric bypass surgery almost 4 years ago. The surgery was not successful initially and he almost died on the table. Anyway, after 3 months in the hospital he came home without the alloted amount of rehab because he was stubborn and said the heck with it. Then he did not follow the correct eating outline with protein drinks and the slow integration into eating normal food. He was in self-inflicted pain due to eating the wrong foods and was malnourished besides. He also took painkillers for his polymyalgia and became very depressed as he was always in pain, either self-induced or due to his body betraying him with painful disease. He fell down a lot due to weakness and the amount of painkillers he was on. This furthered his depression as he was constantly needing stitches, etc. My point is that he finally went to the hospital and was so malnourished that within two weeks we gathered to remove the breathing tube from his body. He passed on January 24th. It was a blessing and a curse.
Please take care of yourselves and G-d bless.
My life has been in denial of Multiple Chemical Disorder because of the need to survive. Now facing unemployment, because of the fact that I can no longer function in my normal work environment, I find myself seeking answers within.
Thanks,I really needed to read that.I think I can go on day to day,but each day it gets harder and the days are longer.
It is refreshing to finally hear someone call those of us who face and deal with our daily pain heroes. In doctor's offices and emergency rooms and even our own family living rooms, we are called drug addicts and complainers. I have told a sister who is a registered nurse, who complains about the people who come in to ask for pain medicine, to not judge so quickly what kind of person they are just because they are asking for it. Just because you can't always see the pain on their face doesn't mean it isn't there! And it definitely doesn't make them an addict because they need something to make them feel better to give them a better quality of life.
I suffer from fibromyalgia.....and have for over 15 years now. I am 37 years old.....and thinking about how many years I have to "look forward" to this sometimes really gets to me. I have 2 beautiful children that I get to see life passing by in front of me with and I hate it. They get angry at me and my husband gets angry at me, and then I get angry at me because I am still in bed from the pain and can't do the things I should be able to do. I can't really blame them, when I get angry myself. I take pain medication....and lots of other meds too. So what.....but you know....my own mother called me a drug addict!! That cut to the quick! Talk about no love and understanding!
Anyway, we all need a place to go that is safe for us emotionally and spiritually to vent and talk and share and tell someone that we hurt and don't feel good and that we are mad about it. That way we can pray for each other and lift each other up and encourage one another...because I think that is what God wants for us.
Cling to one another and thanks for recognizing our pain and giving us some glory, cause it seems like the rest of the world just doesn't understand!
Sandy
2Corinthians 12:9-10
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