Toasting marshmellow in the waiting place….I actually smiled and had a little chuckle at that analogy…Being in that place just outside of darkness is so, so much better…I still get swells of anxiety even at the mention of the darkness…I am again hanging heels on the backside of the hole and working judicially to make sure that my toes are not hanging over the downside of another dark pit. I get up only to drive (and drive is important, even though it is only a mile away…because I pull on my sweats and get away without too much effort and still do not have to pull myself totally together and I sometimes notice the sound of birds and the sprinklers and the sun shining or the rain drizzling)…and I get my coffee…then I sit.
My new lifestyle change….from someone so often desperately drowning in the depths..I am frightened that I can not sustain this effort (but wow I have a spark that sputters)…I get on the treadmill UGH! UGH! and alk.
For me the trick is this…I take my phone and I have 2 different children I can call that actually encourage me. (My oldest daughter has a beautiful family and 2 children…she has only experienced a touch of the darkness when she was on a medication for something else…she said it was horrific…and the other daughter just graduated from college…she has unfortunately seen the dark pit and struggles..she is in an OK place and understands the desperate need to increase the endorphines through exercise) So I leave messages on their phone..many messages…I just keep talking about everything and surprisingly it distracts me enough to not notice the time…I only do a half hour…but it seems to be helping…I hope! My children all seem to need to exercise daily in some way…we are prone to this darkness…My oldest daughter that does so well actually trades time with her husband and also uses some of her children’s quiet time to exercise. Well…Time for me to talk and walk. Thank you so much for the time spent here roasting marshmellows…it is so much a better place!

I really like the blog you have here. It makes me think every time I read it. Of course, it helps that you have such a great sense of humor. I’m wondering about my laundry situation. I just posted about it (with an attempt at humor) but I wonder if it’s a symptom of something darker.
http://chasedbychildren.typepad.com/chased_by_children/

Thanks for the good laugh about the champaigne. After all my brother is now going through the twelve steps as we speak and it sounds like something he would say. He already teased me when I told him they look at me funny when I go to the recycling place with the empty wine bottles.(well I’m also a procrastinator, so I only go once or twice a month) He said denial is the first sign! Great! I’m into modification management.Besides I’ve had a much stronger addiction for a much longer time, and I’ve already long since accepted the higher power. I’ve been a horse fanatic since I could say “Pony!!!” There’s a lot of things you don’t have time for or can even afford if you own horses. Drugs and excessive alcohol don’t mix with equines and if you want an excellent therapist try a horse. They’re beautiful,intelligent,powerfu ll, and nonjudgemental. Next time you’re having a bad day look into the eyes of a horse and it gets better!