Dear Our Lady of Weight Loss ~ My daughter is fat and it is breaking my heart. Please help me to help her lose weight. ~ Parent of Fat Child
WARNING: My head is spinning, and it may well explode. Not pretty!
This Beliefnet.com Blogger has this month (and we are only 3/4 of the way through it) received a record number of emails from readers seeking advice on how to ‘fix’ their child. Actually, now that I think about it, they were asking advice on how to ‘fix’ their daughters. Not a fat son amongst us? Anyway – that’s another topic, hey? … I do digress.
All those missives gave me a headache, as I flashed-back to my troubled ‘fat’ youth and the memory of my mother, on one particularly trying day, saying to me through tear-stained eyes, “It’s such a shame that you have such a big behind.”
Shame delivered, picked-up and packed-on!
And so, to those who are thinking, “Wow, my child is fat. How can I fix her?” I’d like to give you a Kick in the Tush, and serve up a few choice words Our Lady of Weight Loss style!
1. Knock it off! I could be wrong (rarely 
, but it sounds to me like you are more concerned about your broken heart than the health and happiness of your child. Get over yourself. Remove yourself from the equation. This isn’t about you!
2. Punishment from God? A ‘weight loss’ reduction program/conversation is more than likely going to be perceived by your child as a form of punishment. And why wouldn’t it be? Don’t you think of ‘dieting’ as one of the great injustices and punishments in your life?
3. Get Moving. Are you (and the family) gathering around the boob-tube each and every night, snacking together as you watch “The Biggest Loser?” Or are you setting up a game of badminton or horseshoes in your backyard? How about joining or creating a family bowling league? For you apartment dwellers, how about a game of twister?
4. Eat Healthy. Are you eating healthfully? What foods are you serving? What kind of snacks do you have in your home? Do not even think about telling me that you ‘have to’ buy chips, chocolate and cookies for your husband or son – or for the matter for the other skinny sister.
5. Educate Yourself and Your Child. Rather than harping on the negative, i.e. your child’s big behind, why not learn about nutrition and talk up the health benefits of watermelon? And definitely learn the art of reading a food label! Teach yourself and your child!
6. Happy Mealtime. Make mealtime a happy family time. Sit down and discuss the highlights of your day over a plethora of fresh vegetables, whole grains, and organic foods a plenty.
7. Shop Together. Ask for your child’s input. Sit down and create a list of high-nutrient foods. If your child says, “I’d really like a chocolate donut.” See if you can figure in one sweet (perhaps, a one-oz. square of dark chocolate) along with a fruit salad. And if your child still wants the donut, buy one tiny pack of pre-portioned mini-donuts. Remember God’s 10 Commandments and the forbidden fruit!
8. Love Trumps Fat. Love yourself and your child just as you are. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with your child. She does not need to be ‘fixed.’ Open your eyes. Witness the true beauty of the person who is standing before you.
Bottom line.
Be aware of the message that you are putting down for your child to pick up.
Lead by example. Create a happy and healthy home.
More Health and Happiness!
Stuck on Chocolate?
Coach Yourself Thin: What are YOU willing to do?
How do YOU stop yourself?
Spread the word … NOT the icing,
Janice
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posted July 18, 2009 at 9:20 am
Janice, My mother tortured me, too. All she accomplished was to make me feel like there was something terribly ‘wrong’ with me. And, you know, it was about her. It was all about her insecurities. She passed them straight on to me. I’m not going to do that with my daughter. Not passing it on.
I’m putting down health and love and hoping that’s what my family picks up.
Thanks for the wake up.
Becky
posted July 18, 2009 at 2:02 pm
EXCELLENT article, Janet. You are spot on on all counts. Thank you!
posted July 18, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Amen. If we don’t shift our focus from eating and fat to health and living, we are going to get fatter and fatter. Put an end to the madness. It starts at home.
posted July 19, 2009 at 6:03 pm
This blog rocks. I sincerely hope that the lil’girl receives more lovethan could ever be imagined.
posted July 19, 2009 at 8:07 pm
To Mother of Fat Daughter:
Just keep doing what you are doing. In a few years you won’t have a worry in the world. She will have committed suicide and you can be secure in the knowledge that she is getting thinner everyday.
If this does not happen in spite of your best efforts, don’t be concerned. By the time she is an adult, she will move far away. At this time you too can move to a new location and start a new life — one where fat daughter never existed. Your secret will never be discovered because fat daughter will never have anything to do with you ever again.
posted July 20, 2009 at 11:02 am
Once again Janice, excellent article! My mom brought up my “weight issue” when I was about 10 years old at one of our full court family meetings…I was/am the only daughter with 4 brothers…so there was huge embarrassment with this. But, we were also on a very tight budget, so we grew up on hot dogs and the like. There are always several sides to everything – and my mom now admits that she wishes she had fed us a healthier diet (we are all 40-something now, and all my bothers now have weight issues…a topic for another day…those maybe those weiners permanently damaged our DNA)- but we now know so much more – and I still fight the bulge-battle.
All that said, we still have a great relationship and I never thought about leaving town or suicide!
posted July 20, 2009 at 11:04 am
What great comments to the mother of fat daughter. I was one of those fat daughters and have struggled with self esteem and weight all of my life. I have trouble accepting myself no matter what. At the age of 12 I was put on a “diet” of toast and boiled eggs. My Mother was obese and 2 different times in her life lost over 90 pounds. When I started showing signs of being a little chunky ( I wasn’t) my parents decided they had to do something about it before I ended up like my mother. I remember one morning while I was washing my hair getting ready for school. The diet wasn’t too successful as they had caught me sneaking into some chocolate cake the evening before. My Mother told me it wouldn’t do any good to have clean hair if I was fat. If only they would have had the knowledge of Our Lady of Weight loss.
posted July 21, 2009 at 1:08 am
Fat girls rock my world!
posted August 6, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Instead of trying to figure out which are spam (sometimes it can be really hard to distinguish) and flag every comment that might be spam, I would prefer to keep them all and just use “nofollow.” I don’t use nofollow because I think it’s silly and doesn’t really work, plus I don’t have much issue with people leaving covert spam comments. On top of that, there is some debate as to whether nofollow really works all that well. Also as Chuck said above, I believe in rewarding visitors any way I can — and a small link is not a big deal to me.Indeed a nice suggestion…chalisa